I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize