If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
