my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
