there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
