I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
