Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
