On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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