yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
