Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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