I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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