Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
