One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
