i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
