Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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