I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
