Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize