Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My balls are so social today.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
