I feel great
I just peed on a car
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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