It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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