i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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