If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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