Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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