"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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