apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
