In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
