dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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