Umm I'm too high to move.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
