How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize