After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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