My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
