DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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