I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
