Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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