that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
