so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
