goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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