Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
