I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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