I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize