Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
