so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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