"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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