so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize