Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
