hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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