By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How's work?
Spinning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
