Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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