his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
