U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
