Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
