how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
