don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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