And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
