i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
