When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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