1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
