So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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