So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
