I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Randomize
