Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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