i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
