There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
