Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
