I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
