Sponge bath it is.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
