everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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