and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
