If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
