moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize