true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
