We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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