i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize