i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
