yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
