Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
