Tell her she can't have a vagina
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
